Yesterday I saw a most curious thing.  A couple came into the restaurant I work in and sat in the bar for lunch.  When I seated them, I noticed the woman was carrying a rather large volume entitled "Cooking Light".  I wondered as I walked away how many questions the server would have to answer about what we marinate our chicken in or what we use to sauté our green beans.  
    Much to the delight of my twisted sense of humor, I walked by their table later and got to see what they ordered:  our stuffed mushrooms-- which are full of cream cheese and deep fried-- and a chicken finger platter complete with fries.  If ever I have experienced a moment when I wished I had the guts to whip out my cell phone and take a picture, that was it.  I would love for all of you to share in the full enjoyment of the scene by having a grainy visual aid.  Alas, I am a chicken.  But at least I'm not a deep fat fried chicken masquerading as a salad.

CL

    I was well on my way to an A+ for my work in the kitchen this afternoon/evening.  Wouldn't you know it:  I botched the ending.  Frak.  I had been on a roll with getting Baby Duck to eat like a champ when I made roast chicken, so that was tonight's entrée.  I had planned ahead and procured all the necessary ingredients (I like to make mine with parsley, onion and lemon in the bird) in a timely fashion.  I had even averted disaster when I realized that although I had run out of extra virgin olive oil (a kitchen staple in my house as well as my preferred coating for the chicken skin), I could branch out and use butter just this once.  No problem.  I even decided to go with some homemade mashed potatoes and make gravy from the chicken drippings.  
    The chicken:  moist and delicious.  The peas:  were peas.  If you love them as I do, they were delectable.  If you're my aunt Kathy, you would have requested a chain mail tunic and a battle axe to keep them from inflicting any harm.  The mashed potatoes:  smooth and creamy, with just enough butter.  The gravy:  well, that's where it fell apart.
    The gravy had really nice flavor and wonderful potential.  I should be proud of my effort.  But I am not.  I have become a pretty decent cook over the years, and this was just an elementary mistake.  I waited too long to start the gravy, so a reasonable amount of cornstarch was just not enough to thicken the gravy in time for the dinner bell.  I faced a choice:  Serve runny gravy with dinner or put a hold on mealtime until the gravy was ready.  I showed that I would never make a respectable chef; my family was hungry.  I went with the runny gravy.
    I hate it when I get tripped up on some mundane detail.  Like when Michael Bolton put a decimal point in the wrong place in Office Space.  At least I don't have to pester a former crack addict for information on how to launder money after my error...

CL

     Actually, my mom did absolutely nothing wrong.  In fact, she was very helpful the other night when she brought my kids all the way home to my husband when he got off work late and couldn't meet her.  She even stopped to grab them dinner on the way.
     Unfortunately, since the routine was changed, something got forgotten-- the car seats.  I discovered this at the end of a relatively uneventful morning of getting the kids ready.  I got them out to the garage, only to realize that the backseat was completely bare!  So much for running errands (which, ironically, included a stop at my dad's to borrow his computer and put in all these handwritten blog entries)!
     So, as usual, things are not going according to my plans.  Should be used to it by now...

CL

     My biggest beef with American Idol so far this season?  When they all say yes to a contestant, the judges keep calling it a "Full House".  For the record, a full house is three of one and two of another-- something not only completely different than what they have (which is actually four of a kind), but impossible to achieve with only four votes.
     It bugs me.

CL 

     The other day, in a not-so-stellar Mommy Moment, I got fed up with Ladybug's refusal to ingest anything nutritious shy of chicken (in nugget form) or peanut butter (in sandwich form).  So, I forced her to take a bite of her dinner, punished her when she spit it out, then made her chew and swallow a bite.  I felt terrible, but I was at the end of my rope with her not even tasting anything new.
     The next night, I went back to my more traditional method of fixing her a dinner plate and leaving her to it while I ate my food.  To my surprise, after playing with her silverware for a while, Ladybug voluntarily put a bite of stuffing in her mouth!  She made an awful face and looked at me, but she swallowed it.  I was so ridiculously excited.  I did the silliest " Big Girl Took A Bite Of Her Dinner" song and dance.
     I guess the regular way of doing things seemed a more appealing test environment for her than the alternative:  a crazy lady shoving food down her throat!  So much for my Perfect Mommy score--  Oh, wait...  I wasn't even close to begin with...
    
CL   

     So I've been noticing for a while now that Baby Duck makes me absolutely batty every day-- specifically around 3:00-4:00 in the afternoon.  I began to realize what the issue is when I thought about how tired I've been every afternoon around 3:00-4:00!  Combine that with the burst of energy she seems to get at that time and you have a recipe for a Mommy Meltdown!  If only I had that delicious ability to nap instead of waking up grouchier and groggier than I was in the beginning...
     So now that I've figured out the problem, it's on to the next step:  SOLUTION!  So far, I've come up with:  Caffeine for me or tranquilizer darts for her.  Not sure I can ingest more caffeine than I already do.  Pretty certain tranquilizing would be more fitting to those  "TOO HEAVY"  Bud Light commercials.
     Back to the ol' drawing board.

CL
              

     A week into my cable-free existence, some things are going better than others.  Surprisingly, my kids have adjusted beautifully thanks to PBS and Qubo.  We still have a child-oriented show available any time they turn on the television, so they aren't suffering too much without Mickey or Dora.  Plus, Baby Duck was so thrilled to know we still get "Ask This Old House" and "Antiques Roadshow".  I love that.
    As for E and me, we're pleasantly surprised by how little we miss it as well.  What is more relaxing when you're watching a little TV before bed than Bob Ross painting his happy little trees?
    The trouble is coming from lack of internet.  I wonder if this is related to the fact that we plan on selecting a new internet service provider soon, whereas the cable is an attempt at a lifestyle change meant to go on indefinitely.  I feel insanely disconnected from the world, unable to answer any question in five clicks or less.  I tried to get my fix on my mom's computer, but all the enjoyment was sucked out of it when I couldn't get my blog site to load so I could type up an entry I had written several days before.  She lives on a few acres outside of town, so "high-speed internet" means something entirely different at her house!
    Baby Duck is thoroughly confused by not being able to play games online like PBS Kids or Webkinz.  She sees that the computer works and just doesn't get that the internet is a separate subscription service.  I am realizing what a major difference that is from when I was growing up.  Internet was something you paid for by the minute when I was in high school.  I imagine myself telling my kids, "When I was little, we didn't have internet or cell phones.  As I got older, they came around but were only used for emergencies or things of high importance.  The term 'unlimited use' was not even on the radar!"
    Then, they'll say, "Wow, Mom!  Did you have to walk to school uphill both ways barefoot in the snow, too?!" 
But all is not lost.  You will all see these entries I'm hand-writing in a little notebook soon enough-- I just have to go borrow my dad's computer!

CL

         

     So I'm setting up my antenna on my TV the day we cancelled our cable service.  First try out of the gate, the channel scan found one channel.  Was it a local news station?  Of course not.  Public television, so we can watch Sesame Street and Antiques Roadshow?  No way!  The one channel I have been able to tune in is the Home Shopping Network!  Great.  Who needs the weather report or some educational programming for the rugrats when this beautiful, rare lapis ring the size of a soup can could be mine if I call in the next four minutes and fifty three seconds... fifty two... fifty one...
    So, back to the store for an amplified antenna after a call to the manufacturer suggested it (due to all the trees in my area).  The new one still yielded the same results until I dug deep into the TV settings, finding something deep in the menu that was set on cable instead of antenna.  I'm now the proud owner of 17 FREE channels!  Yippee!

CL            

    Starting tomorrow, I will be attempting to maintain a reasonable posting frequency without the luxury of home internet access.  My cable company took a stab at trying to see just how much I would fork over per month once our contract expired.  Let's just say they overshot it by quite a lot.  So I will bid them farewell in the morning, knowing full well that in a month's time I will be inundated with "Win Back" offers at a much better rate.  Or someone else will catch our eye.  Either way, we have to play the game, and it's time to fold 'em for right now.
    During our last night enjoying the DVR, E was attempting to find the "DioGuardi Button".  He described this as a type of smart chip in the remote that knows your preferences-- like his preference for not hearing Cara DioGuardi speak on American Idol.  Alas, this button seems to be missing from our remote.  I guess a combination of the mute button and quick fingers will just have to do.
    I'm hoping this will be a shining opportunity to wean my 2-year-old TV junkie from her Nick Jr. dependency.  I do have a steady supply of toddler methadone, including Cinderella, Up, Wubb Idol and HBO's Classical Baby series.  We'll see how she does.
    Baby Duck is going to have a hard time understanding why she can't play with her Webkinz online, as she has never gone without internet and therefore must just think that website is part of our computer.  My back up plan for her?  Full distraction with books and crafts, which will hopefully entice Ladybug to step away from the screen as well.
    All in all, I think this will be a fantastic opportunity to reorganize our priorities.  I'm looking forward to having a renewed appreciation for many things in life.  Especially daily access to www.peopleof walmart.com.

CL

p.s.  Two more funny words that my Spellcheck does not recognize:  "online" and "internet".

    First, the sweet:

    Yesterday morning I was getting ready for work when I heard Baby Duck get up and go out to the kitchen without saying a word.  I started hearing lots of cabinet-opening sounds, but I kept myself from going out to check on her.  I remembered that she is at the age where she likes to try to surprise me, but has no idea how to be quiet in order to keep the surprise a secret.  I knew I was risking a broken dish, but I chose to see how it played out.  I got very nervous when I heard her get the 97% full gallon of milk out of the refrigerator, but never did hear any "Uh, oh!" or "Oh, no!" from the kitchen.  Finally, she came to get me and proudly showed me the bowl of cereal on the countertop.  But when I congratulated her on making her own breakfast, she said, "No, Mommy.  See the glass bowl?  It's for you!"  How thoughtful can a 4 1/2 year-old be first thing in the morning?!?

    Now, the salty:
    

    Today I put Ladybug down for a nap, but she was in no hurry to sleep.  While making my bed in the next room about 20 minutes later, I could still hear her babbling.  It turned into her calling my name over and over, with varying levels of intensity:  "Mommy....... Mommy!... Mommy?  MOMMY!!?!?  mommy??.... momMY!!!!!"  Then, she threw me a curve:  "Hey!!!  Wisten!  WISTEN!!!!!  Mommy, wisten!  Come here!!  Now!"  Apparently she put her bossy pants on when I wasn't looking!  I just kept making the bed and laughed at how funny she sounded.  She's quiet now, so I must have done the right thing by not going in there.  She will be in a much better mood this evening now that the nap won the battle.

CL