Today, I would like to talk about my love affair with caffeine.  It is a tumultuous relationship, filled with passion and resentment.  I wake up in the morning looking forward to the scent of brewing coffee and the promise of alertness it holds.  Some days it is a simple relationship:  I have a cup or two, and then I go on about my day.  Other days I feel like a crackhead looking for a fix; a teenage girl in a new relationship who can't help but call him 15 times before lunch.  On those days I am easily recognizeable to my coworkers by the giant white travel mug punctuated with blue Jetsons-style dots that is an extension of my body.  The fact that my little sister bought it for me for Christmas is a testament to my level of addiction.  
    However, the passion of those days is what has led to my downfall.  At work, I am 'Tweak' and become the entertainment for the morning.  Before we open, emplyees straggle in and ask me what cup I'm on.  It's never less than number 4.  They snicker as I refill my mug.  Again.  I wonder if they have a secret pool, betting on what time exactly I'll start twitching and pacing or whether or not I will drop something.  Unfortunately I have yet to time my hypercharged state correctly where I can properly channel it toward the restaurant lunch rush.  Inevitably, I peak just a little to soon and find myself checking on my first table so many times they wonder if I'm planning to follow them home.  
    That's where the resentment comes in.  On those days that I make a caricature of myself, I crash so hard in the end.  I wonder aloud why I cannot maintain a steady level of alertness and energy.  But I know in my heart that the very thing that perks me up is also holding me down.  I no longer know how to produce my own burst of focus.  It must come from a cup.  
    I thank God that my vice is an acceptable, legal, and even downright trendy one.  I can even feed my addiction right in front of a police officer.  He or she may even have a cup of their own in front of them.  I don't think your local smack addict has that same liberty.  Maybe I should switch to decaf... when I finally have a day that I don't have to function.